here we go again.

Here we go again, with all the things we said
And not a minute spent to think that we'd regret,
So we just take it back, these words, and hold our breath,
Forget the things we swore we meant.
...
Here we go again, with all the things we did,
And now I'm wondering, just who would I have been
To be the one attached at all times to your hip?
Forget the things we swore we meant.

Here we go again.

Another period of time where we'll avoid each other (well, he'll avoid me) in order to avoid something awkward. Another period of time where I won't be able to go to him for comfort with troubles I'm having, because he's the cause of all my troubles. Another period of time where we're not close.

That's what it seems like.

I want to say that this time things will be different. And maybe they will. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I don't screw this up. I value him too much to just let this all go down the crapper. I can't let us drift apart. I can't. I won't.

God, give me strength and courage and wisdom to go about this in the best way possible. And I pray that the result will make me happy.

I can't live without knowing he's there for me. Whether it's as a best friend or something more, I don't care.

I feel cold and tearful.
I'm shivering and tears are running down my face.
When will this end?
It seems like the past few months didn't change me at all.