I'm tired of the fight.

I'm tired,
I'm tired of the fight,
I'm tired of the lonely days
And the dark, endless nights.

I'm tired of everything.
It's like...why even get up out of bed in the morning?

I'm exhausted with so many things in every aspect of my life.
I thought I found relief...but it's like when you take medicine, it takes awhile before it kicks in.
That's my situation.
I have to wait awhile before it kicks in.

But maybe it never will.
Maybe I'm immune to it.
Maybe it'll never happen.

I'm just so tired of being alone.
I'm tired of being the butt of all the jokes.
I'm tired of not being able to move on.

I wrote something yesterday that was insightful.

I'm stuck in between two walls,
the space is very narrow,
and it's hard to breathe.

I don't know where to go...
I can search for a way out, a door, on either of the walls,
it seems like those are my only options.

But what if I keep walking forward through the narrow space?
Will I find something else?
Will I break free?

In this case, the two walls represent two people...I want to get away from the one wall by running to the other, but it's impossible to move right now. I'm stuck. But I started to think...what if I just left both walls behind and kept walking forward in the space? Would I find something else...a way out of this whole mess? I don't know, but I need to find out what things are like on the other side of the other wall first. And I won't know for awhile, if ever.

In other news, Wall-e got best animated film at the Academy Awards on Sunday night, which is all that matters in life. \m/ rock on.

a little bit longer.

All this time goes by,
Still no reason why.
A little bit longer,
And I'll be fine.

High school.
It's a prison.
I need to get out.

It's not because "OMG SCHOOL IS SO DUMB, MY TEACHERS SUCK AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHINGGGGGGGG".

No.

It's because I'm sick of all the extra things that go with it:
The lies.
The back-stabbing.
The drama.
The fake-ness.
The insignificant feelings.

The things that won't matter the second you walk out of that school for good.

I can't say that I'm innocent of all the things listed above...everyone is guilty.

I apologize if it seems like I'm so far out of reality here. But maybe everyone else is, and maybe I'm the one with grounds in reality.

I don't know. What is real?

it's hard to feel beautiful.

It's hard to feel beautiful,
It's hard to feel beautiful in your own skin

Things are okay.
I'm happy, I guess.

But sometimes I can't help feeling like this... like I'm not good enough.

I'll never be her. I'll never be as pretty as her.

What if I don't fit in?

Get me out of high school right now, I'm sick of this.
Get me out of high school right now, so I can leave this all behind.

second chances.

Sometimes, we get second chances,
And sometimes, we never make it past the first.

I think this is my first post where I don't talk about something love/relationship related.

So here it goes.

One of my fears has come true. I was always afraid that Japanese wouldn't be what I wanted to do with my life. And finally, I have come to the realization.

I can't avoid the music in me any longer. I won't be silenced. I have to make music a major part of my life. I can't ignore it.

I suppose I have my sister to thank for placing the thought in my head: Music Business. I could do it. I know I could. I could still be around music and I wouldn't have to be a music major or anything.

It's something I have to do.

would you wait for me?

If I ran away from you,
Would you wait for me?
If I jumped on a plane,
If I stepped on a train,
Would you wait for me to come back home?

Yes.
Yes I would.
I can honestly say I would.
And I hope you know I would.

Anyways...
it's weird to think that maybe his songs are about me...well not WEIRD, but just like awesome, you know?
I mean, I see kind of a correlation between the things he says and the lyrics to the songs.
Of course it's possible...he showed me a song he was writing about me.

But yeah...it's surreal to think that someone so amazing feels something for me.
ME.
Anna Pesut.
A little girl who never really wants to cause trouble, but ends up doing so because of what she feels in her heart.
But this time, I'm not going to make a mess of things.

I've been waiting 18 years for something like this...something to make me feel alive... I can wait for a few more months.

Yes, I'll wait for you.