i'm unhearted.

Sweet red cherry blossom tree,
That lives in both you and me.
You marked your name but I can see, it's not on me,
So I've shamelessly gone
And made myself come undone.
Heavy hangs my head when I'm unhearted.

I feel like I don't have a heart anymore.
Well, not really, I just feel like I locked it up.
I don't know why or how.
I just woke up yesterday and realized that I didn't like anyone, and it seems like I CAN'T like anyone.

And the funny thing is, is that I want to feel like I want someone.
I don't know.
Maybe God is trying to tell me something, because this is really something I've never felt before.
For as long as I can remember, I've always felt this compulsive need for someone to like me...for someone to love.
Sure, it'd be wonderful to fall in love, but for some reason, right now I don't really feel like it.

On a similar note, I don't really want to go to prom.
I'm so afraid that a bunch of creeps and weirdos are going to ask me haha.
I'm such a horrible person lol.

give me something to believe in.

Give me something to believe in,
So write it down,
I don't think that I'll close my eyes.
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming,
So what's the point in sleeping?
It's just that at night,
I've got nowhere to hide.

I need something to believe in.

It's hard to keep up with a blog where I try to write down my thoughts in an attempt for other people to decode me, because my thoughts change so often.

But maybe I'm writing in this blog so I can decode my own thoughts.
Maybe I'm not really conscious of what I'm thinking.
I suppose I might need this to possibly find a pattern in my emotions.
I mean, history repeats itself, right?

That's good to know.